The (almost) Five-Dollar Coffee

While doing some Christmas shopping at my local mall, I visited a fancy coffee store only to find disappointment. Apparently we haven't been paying enough for coffee at an already-overpriced chain, and this was a problem that had to be dealt with sooner than later.

Looking at it from less-cynical and marketing perspectives, $4.80 CDN sounds like a reasonable medium. It's well above the price of a typical coffee, but still under the magical five-dollar "that's absolutely ridiculous" limit.

Unhealthy and overpriced, where do I sign up?

Here in Canada, a "Venti" Cafe Mocha coffee ran you $4.20 and likely weighed in at over 400 calories by relation last I checked. You will now pay $4.80 for the same privilege. One of these drinks would make for a handy wake-me-up on the way to the gym, where you will be hoping to burn off the liquid caloric equivalent of a Big Mac that you just drank. (Yikes.)

Cue theoretical executive business meeting:

Exec 1: Sugar and coffee prices have risen recently John, we need to do something about this.

Exec 2: Bob, our current retail price of $4.20 on a large Mocha provides a healthy profit of 800%. Are you saying we should raise the prices again?

Exec 1: Yes, John, I've been reading up on the Jobs marketing approach recently and I think that's exactly what we should do. Raise it another 60 cents! Our cult members will celebrate the price increase, citing improvements such as exclusive performance and ease-of-use when compared to other brands, all the while promoting our brand as a status symbol.

Exec 2: Bob, I like your style. Larry, you still with us on the phone? Give this man a raise.

That is exactly how it likely went down; the type of beverages being consumed at this imaginary meeting is left as an exercise in cynicism for the reader.

Too Much is Never Enough

Starbucks' House Blend: Insert obvious irony here. The weekend blend. Insert irony here.

As good as a large Mocha is, I now have two good reasons to forgo them and their less-than-impressive provider; I can do better with more money in my pocket and a simultaneously-lower calorie intake.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my routine saturday-morning coffee-drinking vice.

I'm going to continue drinking Starbucks coffee, but at $12 for a two-pound bag of coffee beans that last for months at home, it certainly isn't the overpriced and less-healthy whipping-cream-topped in-store variety. I didn't frequent the stores often before, but now I have even lesser reason to do so.

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